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[personal profile] zuki_san
So, after the pretty damn positive response from all corners of people-who-read-this-tiny-blog, I resolved to start actually posting regularly. I sort of wanted to do it the very day afterwards, but I like to provide content and all, and "Hey, looks like I'll try and post more after all!" isn't much in the way of content. If I wanted to do that, I could get a Twitter. Actually, I suspect twitter could work quite well for me but I don't like the concept for some reason.

Any-whoodle, what's up in the life of Zuki?


Not much, really. A dash of fretting about class and grades...I made the mistake of not taking one or two classes SERIOUSLY AT ALL early on in the semester because they looked easy, and it really hurt me because even if you mostly already knew the material from last year, you should still make sure it's fresh in your mind. But I'm not -too- worried about grades...even if it's because my standards have dropped noticeably over time. When I'm being honest with myself, I note that school and grades really haven't been my highest priority for a while now. (Not in a euphemistic way...still a priority, just not, to be honest, at the top.)

...I could keep musing about this for a while, but I don't think I actually wanted to angst about the future for this post, either. Just mull and fret a little bit about how Dad's totally convinced I've got to get into John Hopkins for nursing school after I graduate--no bones, that'd be hella nice, but the Baltimore area in general is just a really great, really killer, place to learn medecine. If I only make it to UMB for nursing school, I can live with that. Working as a nurse and having an RN will be a pretty stable set of employable criteria, and it's suprisingly flexible, too. The rough goal is something The main worry is y'know...Economy Is Shit+Student Loans will become necessary pretty soon+Something Else. Probably something about being worried about being booted out of the house for not looking productive enough.

Yeah, this angst is annoying me. What else did I want to talk about?


Hmm. Pagan stuff?

I find it interesting...I become involved in a subculture...and I promptly head straight for the fringes of belief. Well, that's an exaggeration, it'ts been a gradual movement over time from lurking about the fringes of the mainstream to slowly coming forward, talking to people and involving myself, and finally digging and swimming down to that level where all those Crazy Woo People hang out. In the Pagan Student Union here at UMBC, the joke is that I'm this 'historian' or 'scholar' of the group as my specialty, because while I don't practice a whole lot yet, I can tell you lots and lots about all the different options that are out there, where they come from, and what's good and not good about 'em. Sometimes it annoys me how 'mainstream' PSU is, but since I think of our primary function is to provide a gateway experience and a supportive community, I can live with it. But dammit, Paganism isn't just witchcraft and tarot cards! It may be an easy face to present, especially as it already matches common images and preconceptions, but it isn't where my interest and my satisfaction lies.

Graah. I keep typing and revising this next part, I'm not quite sure what I actually want to post or the best way to do so. Clearly, more elaboration will be necessary later.

I'm hunting for...something more immediate and direct. I think of myself essentially as well-educated newbie...sure, I -know- a lot, in theory? In practice, what have I done, experienced, or know I can do? Not quite as much. (I'm probably selling myself at least a little short, though.) I'm pretty darn sure I'm not naturally 'weird' in any way (god-bothered, known X about myself from a young age, imaginary friends that turn out to be guides or wights, etc, etc, etc), so to get what I want into my life, I'm going to have to surf the internet a bit less, get some better sleep patterns, and actively work for it.


Hm. I seem to have run out of Rambling and Rumination time, so I'll have to come back later and talk more about what I actually want out of my life and my spiritual practice more later. I've got to go do some proper work here in the library. On the clock and all. (It's just so slow on Sundays!)

Ciao.
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October 2010

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